FUNNY STUFF

A man contacted the preacher regarding his brother's funeral.

"Pastor, we both know about the wicked life my brother Joe lived. I would really like it if somewhere in the funeral message you would say that he was a saint. It would be worth at least $1000 to me if you could do that. Just tell everyone he was a saint."

Reluctantly the Pastor agreed.

The church was packed as the preacher began his eulogy.

" You know there isn't much to say about old Joe. He was nothing' but an old drunk. He never cared much for his wife and kids. He couldn't tell the truth to save his life. Joe sure wasn't much, but this much I can say, compared to his brother, he was a real saint."

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. - J.T. Bubba Sikes

                 Want a banana milk shake?

This is supposedly a true story. During a battle of the Civil War a shout came from the Rebel position, "Hurrah for Jeff Davis."

" Hurrah for  the devil!," came the Yankee reply. The Reb answered, " You cheer for your captain, we'll cheer for ours"

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine"  Proverbs 17:22

Definitions:

Preacher - a man who talks in someone else's sleep.

Pediatrician - a man with little patients.

Bachelor - a rolling stone that gathers no boss.

Teenager - a kid that acts like a baby if not treated like an adult.

Cannibals won't eat clowns, they taste funny.

If you can laugh at yourself, you will never cease to be amused.

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him to fish and you can get rid of him for the weekend.

A Sunday School teacher was telling her class about Lot's wife fleeing Sodom. When she looked back,she turned into a pillar of salt. A little boy raised his hand and told the teacher, "Once my Mommy was driving me to school and she looked back and turned into a telephone pole.

Want breakfast in bed? Sleep in the kitchen.

Daughter: I think I finally met Mr. Right.

Mother: Dear, I married my Mr. Right, unfortunately his first name was "Always."

A man complained to a pet shop owner that his parrot would not talk. The man at the pet store told him to carefully file down the end of his beak.

Several days later the man phoned the pet shop, "I did what you told me and the parrot died."

The shop owner asked if he had accidentally filed off too much.

The man replied, " No I didn't get to file it down at all. He died as soon as I put him in the vice."

Confucius say, "He who think by the inch and talk by the mile should be kicked by the foot."

Roses are red, Grass is green, your ears may be cute but there's nothing between.

To live above with saints we love, that will be Glory

To live below with Saints we know, well, that's a different story.

A dog walked into an office with a help wanted sign. Surprised, the boss asked the dog if he wanted a job. "Woof!" replied the dog. The boss looking for a way out told the dog he had to be able to type. "Woof", replied the dog as he jumped behind the computer. The boss was amazed at the speed and accuracy that the dog showed in finishing his task. "You have to be computer literate," said the boss. With a "Woof" the dog produced a beautiful chart showing the company's progress over the last five years. The boss was amazed! Finally he told the dog, "For this position, you must be bilingual."  "Meow," answered the dog.